When I give my mind permission to run off leash, the visions it comes up with range from the unbelievable and absurd to incredibly insightful.
The other day in between trying to figure out if I wanted to do something special for my holiday cards this year – because that is what all sane people do in April, right? – my brain struck on an idea that made me take notice: If I could show up in a new place and be any person I wanted to be, how much of my current self would I keep?
Think of it: there is no pre-assigned role to play, no history to live up to (or outlive), and I would be the one with preconceived notions about … well, anything.
I had this chance when I moved to England. In the first draft of this post, I initially said that I had wasted my chance because I was too broken from my divorce to take advantage of it. I immediately knew that that was unfair to my old self. I took perfect advantage of the opportunity in the way that I needed at the time. After my divorce, I’d lost my identity. The second I stepped off the plane, I’d found a new one – “the American.” That was band-aid that protected me while I was able to heal and create a firm grasp as to who (instead of what) I was.
Despite how much I perceive that I have grown as a person over the years, when I was truly hurting, I went back to my own happy place – as a student. And not just any student – an honors student. That was my label that I proudly wore in high school, and it still fitted me well as I was trying to get my feet back under me.
I’ve been having itchy feet for years. I thought it was simply because I’d been back in my home town for more than a decade now. Now I have a better understanding why – my crossroads are still staring me in the face. Everything’s possible when entering a new place. I miss that feeling. while part of me wants to stay here, a large part of me is eager for another grand adventure.
Who would you want to be if you could start from scratch? or Where has your brain brought you when you let it run free?