Putting My Finger on It

In my previous job, I had a great deal of down time. The owners knew I was good at coming up with projects, and I organized everything and created wonderful systems – which they are still using. Still, there were often blocks of emptiness.

When I was dancing, I would fill the time by updating song lists, building up the dance class website, searching for the next great costume, or watching videos of world champions. After that dream died, I was lost … and stuck with time on my hands.

If I had known what I wanted to do next, the time would have been a blessing. I could study towards making the leap. None of the careers I tried on seemed to fit, though. This is when I took my grammar classes, but they weren’t pointing me in a definite direction. I was also able to use that time to help some wonderful causes, but it wasn’t the same as a fulfilling job.  I’ll admit it: at times, I was bored. Now my job is so busy that I often feel like I don’t have the time to breathe. What a difference a year makes!

A few months ago I was sitting around wondering why I no longer wanted to accept invitations to do anything, which is so not me. At first I thought it was my misanthropic tendencies coming coming out. Then I realized that as much as I love that word, as well as the play by Molière, I’m not one: I love people. Hmmmmmmm. All I want to do is sit at home. Ah ha! I want to be a hermit!

What brought on my isolationism? In looking back over the last few months, I’ve been feeling overwhelmed and over-extended. D’uh, my job is such that I really can’t plan to be anywhere (except work) at a given time. No wonder I’m feeling overwhelmed: I am! Would I rather be back at a job that wasn’t fulfilling or challenging? No. Would I like to be able to have a day off and plan events with friends in the evenings? YES!  So how do I get there? Crickets…..

I am definitely appreciating the day I have off today, honoring those that had much more serious questions on their mind – like how to stay alive throughout their combat tour. I’m feel gratitude for both them and this chance to breathe.

Would you rather be too busy or bored? or Anyone else have occasional hermit-like tendencies?