When you don’t know how something will turn out, all the potential of what might be is still there. There is a chance to dream of what the future may hold.
Last week I found out that my dream of returning to dance is dead. My injury will not recover without surgery and wouldn’t be the same even with it, and it’s not bad enough to warrant the knife anyway.
Wow. Ummmmm. Now what? Well, I have some options:
- Wallow in self pity.
- Eat a pint of Ben & Jerry’s
- Find another activity that I get the same enjoyment out of that doesn’t involve taking steps to the right.
- Let it go.
- All of the above.
I know I will ultimately choose E, but at the moment, B sounds the best….
The logical part of my mind says finding out the results of the diagnostic test is better than not knowing. I can quit wasting time and tons of money (all of this has been out of pocket) on treatments that won’t work. But the emotional side of me desperately wants it to be last week again so I could continue dreaming of gliding across the floor. My poor heart is breaking. If this were the days before the internet you would see the tear stains on the paper.
My instinct is to shift my mental focus away from the pain onto something that feels better. I’ve learned from prior experience, though, that not dealing with those feelings makes Tammy an unpleasant person to be around (I don’t even want to be around me then). So I will mourn the loss of my dream a second time.
The silver lining that I see now is that I have decided that all the crappy things that are going to happen to me this year are being front-loaded into January (it’s been a tough month). The universe has only today and tomorrow to let me have it. After that the world is all sunshine and kittens …. right?