When you don’t know how something will turn out, all the potential of what might be is still there. There is a chance to dream of what the future may hold.
Last week I found out that my dream of returning to dance is dead. My injury will not recover without surgery and wouldn’t be the same even with it, and it’s not bad enough to warrant the knife anyway.
Wow. Ummmmm. Now what? Well, I have some options:
- Wallow in self pity.
- Eat a pint of Ben & Jerry’s
- Find another activity that I get the same enjoyment out of that doesn’t involve taking steps to the right.
- Let it go.
- All of the above.
I know I will ultimately choose E, but at the moment, B sounds the best….
The logical part of my mind says finding out the results of the diagnostic test is better than not knowing. I can quit wasting time and tons of money (all of this has been out of pocket) on treatments that won’t work. But the emotional side of me desperately wants it to be last week again so I could continue dreaming of gliding across the floor. My poor heart is breaking. If this were the days before the internet you would see the tear stains on the paper.
My instinct is to shift my mental focus away from the pain onto something that feels better. I’ve learned from prior experience, though, that not dealing with those feelings makes Tammy an unpleasant person to be around (I don’t even want to be around me then). So I will mourn the loss of my dream a second time.
The silver lining that I see now is that I have decided that all the crappy things that are going to happen to me this year are being front-loaded into January (it’s been a tough month). The universe has only today and tomorrow to let me have it. After that the world is all sunshine and kittens …. right?
Grown Up, Now What? 
Yes, Sunshine and Kittens are on the way, Tammy! I promise it will get better! 🙂
LikeLike
Thank you, Amy! I could use some kittens (we have had lots of sunshine!)!
LikeLike
In your case, lots of kittens (I’m sure of it)! 😉
Sorry to hear the news. I’m not sure how I would take something like this in my life, but you have a great outlook and an even greater medium to work through it with this blog. Life treats us to little surprises sometimes and we don’t know why, but one day you will. Stay strong, sister!
LikeLike
I think several litters of kittens might be in order! 🙂
This blog has been a G-d send as both a creative outlet and a means of working through issues. And it is so much cheaper than therapy!
Thank you for your support! (I always think of Bartles & James when I hear that phrase!)
LikeLike
Tammy,
You sound like a very strong person to me. Yes, you might eat a pint of icecream (we’ve all been there) but you will come out of this with new positives, enthusiasm and gifts to share with the world.
I love the saying “What doesn’t kill us, makes us stronger.” I’ve had to remind myself before today. The point is for some reason this happened but you will become a bigger and even better person for it.
Now go enjoy your Ben & Jerrys (I’m totally jealous because I can’t get it where I live in Australia).
Cheers, Caylie
LikeLike
Caylie,
How on earth do you recover from devastating news if you don’t have Ben & Jerry’s?!?!?
Thank you so much for your words of encouragement. I will come out of this, but for now I’m letting the emotions run their course so I can then move on cleanly.
Tammy
LikeLike
if you want it , you will certain get it even if you are injured
it wont be easy but i am sure you can
i wish you all the best:)
LikeLike
Farouk,
Thank you so much for your words of support and your best wishes.
I wish my body loved dance as much as my heart does. Since my body has cast its vote for a second time (I vetoed it the first time and returned to dance after the first knee surgery), I will abide by its wishes. I could not have my heart broken again in a year or two when something else breaks.
I am trying (and starting to succeed) at accepting the things that I cannot change. That one’s always been tough for me.
Tammy
LikeLike